It’s the eve of my birthday and it’s a day I’ve been dreading all month. I can’t lie, I’ve really struggled to think how this birthday can be happy.

It’s been such a rollercoaster of a year that I just don’t feel like celebrating.

I’ve had to do a lot of ‘introductions’ and ‘about me’s through starting a new job and I just haven’t felt myself. Something about the last few months has really shattered my confidence in who I am.

I wonder if other people have these moments where they kind of question everything that makes them them?

Anyway, on my way to work, a song by the editors called ‘smokers outside the hospital doors’ came on and there’s a lyric that’s really stuck with me.

‘Someone turn me around, can we start this again?’

It’s hard to start again, it’s hard to just ignore everything that came before but I need to leave this summer behind me somewhere. It can’t haunt me forever.

So time to be positive. I’ll be on to my 27th year on this planet and life is too short and precious to keep beating yourself up for events you can no longer change.

So here are some aims for the next year:

1) to do one thing I’m really proud of

2) to lose some noticeable weight

3) to focus on strengthening friendships and relationships with people who matter the most to me

We can’t start again completely, but we can draw a line under what unhappiness came before.

Love always,

Lauren x