Being a love addict isn’t a sex addict – let’s just clear that up now. Being a love addict is having a constant need and want to love and be loved in return. It’s why you may find some people saying they ‘can’t be single’ or many flitting from relationship to relationship, being a serial relationship offender.
I can’t lie – I have a horrific tendency to want to be liked or loved. In the past couple of months, I’ve had more people block me or ‘remove me as a friend’ than ever before and I really struggled with it. I’ve had a friend who has ghosted me for almost a month after a conflict and I have thought about it every day since. What have I done wrong? Why am I not worthy of a reply? Why couldn’t they just say something instead of just remove me completely?
Being a love addict is tough. It means constantly trying to second guess what people are thinking, comparing yourself to others and trying to understand what makes you unloveable. It’s not a good place to be.
It also means putting your happiness on someone else instead of taking responsibility for it yourself.
We live in a society where being a ‘couple’ is somehow seen as better than being alone. Have you ever noticed when you go on a group holiday that the couples always get the best rooms? The singletons are often the ones who are on the sofa or floor – why is that?
So I suppose, it feels naturally that looking for ‘the one’ is the right thing to do. However, admitting that there’s something seriously wrong with that is half the problem.
I’m not ashamed to say, I love being ‘in love’ or that honeymoon period where you get to know someone. It’s comforting, and it’s great having someone who actually recognises what there is to love about you.
However, as someone who experienced not one but two break ups in short succession, I can tell you the downside of that is feeling like you’re not enough. Being a love addict, is looking for that constant approval and constant cheerleader; looking for someone to always have your back, be loyal and be on Team Lauren when everyone else has quit is quite a big ask.
I’ve always loved being part of a team, but I suppose if you don’t learn to support your own team first, you’ll never find someone who can be a true fan.
So to all you love addicts out there, it’s okay – it’s nothing to be ashamed of. But, try and remind yourself that you need to love yourself first. You can’t control what others think of you, but you can try to control what you think of yourself.
Positive of the day: I had a walk before and had a really good chat with my Dad about early warning signs regarding my mental health. I sometimes find it really hard and can get quite defensive about MH but it was a really positive conversation.