It’s been a little while since I posted last – just over a week in fact. I know I promised you a post on the election but unfortunately this annoying thing called life got in the way.
This past month has thrown a hell lot of things my way and by no means I’m not the worst effected and I do not want sympathy for it. It’s just one of those things that you forget when your fighting though the crap.
It catches up with you; whether it be in your dreams, a lack of sleep, a lack of good health, an inability to relax, an inability to cry even – life catches up with you in the most unexpected ways.
I have been fighting a losing battle for a little while and yesterday was the lowest I felt for a very long time. I stared at a window at work and wondered how far I could fall if I really wanted to go right there and then. I don’t think I would have done it, I don’t think I ever would – I’ve got too much to live for but it’s easy to see how people feel like that.
One of the most important things I’ve done in the past few months staring write again. The way I can share in a non-confrontational, non-personable way on here makes me feel a lot better that I’ve at least said how I’m feeling somewhere.
I’ve got a lot better at using my support system but for the first time yesterday, I shut everyone out. Only for an hour or so, but I just wanted to be on my own and cry, and be irrational and bathe in my own pain.
Since then, I took myself for a walk, ate some chocolate, had a drive and met a cat that looks like a younger version of Pringles. I don’t know what it was, but it’s like this cat knew I needed some company at that point time, just like Prings used to do. He came and strutted up to my car, climbed in by the peddles and sat on me for a little while.
When Matt came outside to see what on earth I was doing kidnapping the neighbours cat, he pulled his shoelace off his boot and the cat played with us for another thirty minutes.
Matt tells me in his infinite wisdom, ‘life gets in the way when you’re trying to do stuff’. He’s totally right and it makes you stop, it makes you think, and it makes you not want live sometimes. Othertimes, like when our new borrowed cat, Sooty, came trotting up to me yesterday, it reminded me that there is so much to live for.
I just need to keep telling myself that while life throws some more challenges my way.
Happy Saturday everyone, enjoy the sun and remember exactly what you’ve got to live for.
Positive of the day: I’m seeing my favourite band with some of my favourite people tonight and I cannot wait!