I heard a great little saying recently that goes like this:
‘When life rains on your parade, you’ve gotta dance in the puddles.’
Today is my Grandad’s birthday. He sadly passed away about 2 months ago and life can be pretty shitty without him. A few days after my Grandad passed away, my Grandma also passed away and I felt like my heart had been beaten to a pulp. I didn’t really know how it was still beating because it felt so heavy.
By the following Tuesday, a week after my Grandad had passed, I had an interview in London. I’d been rejected from the job I really wanted the day before and was onto my 4th interview in the space of a week. It was about a 2 minute walk from the underground station and it was genuinely raining so heavily I thought that I was about to see the elephants walking two by two down the street.
I couldn’t believe it. I thought, Christ – Do I not deserve a break? I mean really, I’d gone from 3 Grandparents to 1 in less than a week and the weather couldn’t gift me 2 minutes to get to an interview that I had to emotionally pull myself together for.
I had been away from home for 5 days, done 3 interviews and was ready to breakdown at any point. I turned up to the interview soaked, was asked if I’d like a glass of water and politely declined as I was rinsing out my blazer and creating my own puddle on the office floor.
Then I just kind of had this overwhelming feeling. It’s the kind of feeling you get when you just think ‘fuck it, I’ve got nothing to lose.’ I threw myself into the interview and poured out my soul and I left feeling exhausted but proud.
Never had that quote, ‘when life rains on your parade, you’ve gotta dance in the puddles’ been so relevant to my life. I hate when people do that thing where they say a quotes their life, but at that one particular moment it was.
Since, life has picked up a lot. I’m moving to Surrey tomorrow, starting a new job on Monday and have lots to look forward to. However, I’ll never forget that week where I had to literally drag myself through the rain to get through the day.
I’m feeling somewhat emotional today (tonight – it’s 12.45am) for 3 reasons:
1) I’m stressing about my birthday. It totally doesn’t matter but I’m just trying to keep everyone happy and it’s not paying off. The S.I.W would not approve of my lack of assertiveness. I’m working on it.
2) I’ve got a lot to do for tomorrow and I’ve been saying a lot of temporary goodbyes this week. It’s sad and I’m already missing home a bit.
3) I miss my Grandad.
He was the kindest, loveliest man and he was right at the heart of our family. Without him leaves an irreplaceable hole in our lives – unfortunately we just have to get used to it.
I would share what I said at his funeral with you, but really that’s between me and my family. However, the main point of his eulogy was that he will always be with us. I’ll look for the silver linings in the clouds, because I know he’ll be up there BBQ’ing in the rain, dancing in the puddles like he did every November in his socks and sandles.
Happy Birthday Grandad. Keep on dancing x